Seemed like all our favorite Upper East Siders woke up in pretty odd places

May 20th, 2008

Seemed like all our favorite Upper East Siders woke up in pretty odd places this week. First Lily woke up next to, um, Rufus! On her wedding day to, um, Bart! And then Blair was awoken in the arms of Chuck in her bed! He said they had fallen asleep while trying to scheme against Georgina and when the floor got too uncomfortable he got on the bed (sneaky dog!). And last but certainly not least, Georgina woke up…in the Humphrey loft. WTF! The only person who didn’t awaken to find themselves in a compromising position was Serena. But that’s probably because she didn’t even go to sleep. Serena called Dan all night but was left with his voicemail each time. She finally decided to go over to Brooklyn to talk to him face to face (and to see if he was alone or with you know who). Unfortunately, when Serena got there she was faced with the daunting truth. Standing in the flesh in the Humphrey living room was Georgina (in last night’s clothes!). She played innocent as Serena started yelling at her. This was exactly what Georgina had planned all along. Dan was still confused. As Georgina made her way to the door, Serena called her a manipulative, psycho bitch (which is putting it nicely. I would have said much, much worse). When Georgina was finally out of the loft, Serena started telling Dan everything.

Dan took it pretty well. I mean that was sort of a lot of information to take in. Being able to admit, “Hey, I thought I killed a guy, and I’m being blackmailed by a crazy girl pretending to be someone else” isn’t really all that easy. Serena wanted to put everything behind them. They could fix the damage. And Serena was determined not to even think about why Georgina was sleeping at Dan’s. She was probably just hanging with Dan and Vanessa and it got late and they fell asleep. Right?

Dan Humphrey definitely had been spending too much time around Blair Waldorf because omg he decided to get revenge on Georgina. He enlisted Blair’s help. Regrettably, Chuck was busy with his Best Man speech so he left Blair to do the dirty work. But alas, Blair Waldorf is the queen of vengeance (beware!). And of course, Blair knew exactly what to do. She had Dan call Georgina. When he got her voicemail, Dan left Georgina a message saying that after she left he and Serena got into a huge fight and he just really wanted to see her. Blair was impressed. Humphrey was actually kind of good. And sure enough, Georgina called right back. Dan told her the night before really changed things for him. Could they meet later? Georgina was ecstatic. Of course, they could meet. It seemed that for Georgina, she was winning the battle. Too bad for her, Blair Waldorf was now involved which meant the war had only just begun.

Dan and Georgina met at their spot in the Park. Everything was going swimmingly well. Until, Dan dropped the bomb: Serena had told him everything and he believed her. Georgina was taken aback. Serena was a liar! Georgina could not believe this. Was Dan just going to go back to Serena and leave her all alone? And that’s when Blair stepped in…with Georgina’s extremely unhappy parents. See, Georgina, you’re not totally alone. Her parents were livid. She had ditched rehab and sold her show pony for drugs. There was only place for Georgina to go: reform school. Didn’t you hear, Georgina? The Upper East Side only has room for one crazy bitch and that title belongs to Blair Waldorf. Goodbye, Georgina!

Meanwhile, today was Lily’s wedding day! On what should have been the best day of her life, things weren’t going as planned. I mean, waking up next to the former love of your life who you’re not getting married to is kind of awkward. To make matters worse, while with Rufus Lily received a call from Bart asking to meet her somewhere. When Lily got to the address, it was a building she didn’t know. Bart was waiting for her inside. He told her that this was the first place he had ever bought. Bart liked to come back to the building to remind himself of how he felt the first time he saw it. Though, now he’s gotten older and doesn’t really have a purpose for the building anymore. Bart asked Lily what she thought he should do with it. Lily was speechless. She knew exactly what this all meant. She told Bart should get rid of it. And that’s when Lily knew exactly what she needed to do with Rufus too.

Rufus was seriously having the best 24 hours ever. His gig the night before was so successful that he was approached to go on a summer tour with The Breeders (I iTunesed their music and totally have heard their songs. Go Rufus!). Oh, and also he just had sex with Lily van der Woodsen. Sadly, Dan reminded his dad that Lily was getting married that day to Bart. He also told his dad that Serena had something to him earlier in the day. She said that the reason Lily didn’t run off with Rufus was because Serena asked her not to. Rufus smiled and finally got it.

The wedding of the century was still taking place. Everyone showed up at the Cooper Hewitt in their finest spring getups. Some of the more surprising guests: Vanessa (as Nate’s guest!), the Captain (fresh out of rehab) and OMFG, Rufus (the ultimate wedding crasher)! Rufus busted into the bridal chamber to see Lily. He said he could call off the wedding. The two of them could make it work. Lily wasn’t as sure. She loved Bart. Rufus reminded her of what they had twenty years earlier and Lily couldn’t help but reminisce. And when we all thought Lily was going to ditch Bart at the altar, these former lovebirds made a surprising decision. Lily and Rufus decided to part ways for good. They told each other they loved one another and Rufus kissed Lily goodbye. Then, he left her ready to walk down the aisle to marry Bart once and for all.

All the while, Chuck and Nate were still at odds. No matter what Chuck tried to do to reconcile with his old friend, nothing seemed to work. Luckily for Nate, Chuck still had his back. When Chuck saw the Captain doing suspicious stuff, he investigated further. Chuck caught the Captain exchanging money for something outside the wedding. It looked like drugs. Was the Captain using again? When Chuck received word that the Captain was leaving the wedding, he went straight to Nate to tell him what he saw earlier. But Nate didn’t believe him. His dad was clean. Chuck told him that he knew Nate hated him. He was in love with Blair, and he was sorry. But right now there wasn’t time to argue about this. And sure enough, when Nate went outside, he saw his dad getting a limo. Nate banged on the windows and demanded his dad to come out. The Captain emerged from the limo and told Nate he was skipping town. He had left him a note at home. Nate assured him they would get him help if he was still doing drugs but the Captain told him he actually was sober. He needed to leave the country because he was guilty and facing 25 years in jail. Nate’s mom was paying for the plane to get him out of the US. The Captain told Nate he needed him to step up and be a man but Nate didn’t want to hear any of it. He was done with his father. When the Captain went to put his hand on his shoulder, Nate lost it and punched him! In the face! Way crazy. As the Captain drove off to hop a plane and Roman Polanski it up, Nate approached Chuck and thanked him. Seemed like these former feuding friends were pals once again.

When it was time for the Best Man speech everyone was a bit nervous. It was Chuck’s turn to shine (and everyone was way scared to hear what he could say, I mean, it’s Chuck Bass). Surprisingly, the speech was very sincere. This was so unlike Chuck. Chuck began reading from his index cards but soon put them down and started reading from his heart. He said that in the face of true love you don’t give up. And who was he staring at when he said this all: Blair!! OMG! Blair was truly touched. When the two met up on the dance floor, Chuck apologized to her for all the stuff that happened between them. Chuck told her she didn’t belong with Nate and she told him he didn’t belong with anyone and then they kissed. And kept kissing. So hot!

While some people were getting together, others were breaking apart. Even though Serena and Dan had tried to patch things up earlier in the day both were still having problems with it. Serena really didn’t want to break up with Dan but Dan wasn’t sure if he wanted to stay with Serena. Turned out, while Dan and Whore-gina didn’t have sex, Dan admitted: “they might as well have.” Serena was heartbroken but Dan was even more upset. Serena lied to him. She practically let him get seduced by a girl she knew to be a fake and crazy. Dan was the most understanding boyfriend ever, Serena could have told him the truth. Guess they were back to where they were at Bart Bass’ brunch; Serena wasn’t who Dan thought she was and he couldn’t forgive her. They told each other to have a good summer and they’d seen one another at school in the fall. Looked like it was over for our favorite couple. Wah.

One week later, everyone was beginning their summers. Rufus was on tour with The Breeders (seriously, download them, I’m totally digging it) while Jenny received a letter informing her whether or not she got a summer fashion internship. She ripped open the letter and luckily got a gig at none other than, wait for it, Eleanor Waldorf Designs. Yep, a whole summer working for Blair’s mom - awesome, really awesome.

Jenny wasn’t the only person hanging around New York City for the summer. Dan and Vanessa were also going to be there. And both were going to deal with being single. Thankfully they had each other. Vanessa and Nate didn’t work out in the end (so sad…um jk!). This meant Vanessa could be by Dan’s newly single side. Aw, sweet. It seemed like these two were going to spend the summer being the best of friends just like they used to be.

Nate was getting out of the city for the summer. He was heading to the Hamptons. Serena was going there too. She was planning on spending the break being a good girl. Days on the beach reading Nicholas Sparks novels and nights locked up avoiding the opposite sex. Serena was going to reflect this summer. Nate said he was going to do the same. Maybe they could reflect together?

Blair was going to France for the summer to be with her father and Roman. But first she was going on a weeklong trip to Tuscany. With Chuck! The two were flying on Bart’s private jet there. So romantic. Blair said Chuck brought out the worst in her and surprisingly she brought out the best in him.

While Chuck packed, Bart came into his room. He told Chuck he was very proud of him. Bart was happy that he was deciding to be with Blair and only Blair. It would be good for him. It was a grown up decision and he would learn from it; come back this summer a new man. And that’s when Chuck freaked out. What’s Chuck Bass without an abundance of booze, money and most importantly, girls?

Blair showed up to the heliport to take the helicopter to Teterborough to begin their week of romance, but Chuck wasn’t there just yet. Luckily, Blair wasn’t alone. A guy named Ben approached her. He worked for Bart and was going to Italy for a business meeting so he too would be on the private jet. Blair received a text from Chuck saying he would meet her in Italy. She should go on without him. Blair shrugged. What’s ten hours? Besides, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Throwing the nice words his father just gave him into the garbage along with the roses he bought for Blair, Chuck went back to his old ways immediately. He met Amelia, the Bass’ new interior designer and immediately took a liking to her (she was cute and blonde, what’s not to like?). Seemed like Chuck Bass, like a leopard, can’t change his spots. Chuck Bass was Chuck Bass and even Blair Waldorf couldn’t change that.

Will Chuck Bass ever show in Italy? Will Blair forgive him for standing her up? Will Serena stay true to her vow of chastity? Will Nate make peace with his family? Will Vanessa get sick of the sound of Dan’s voice? Will Jenny once again obey the strict demands of a Waldorf? Ah, so many questions we need the answers to. Luckily for all of you, Gossip Girl doesn’t go on a summer break. Though, I too along with our UES favorites, will be vacationing in the Hamptons as well as sunning in a private villa on the beaches of Capri. But just because the summer begins doesn’t mean the gossip stops. In fact, I find the heat always makes people do scandalous things. Fortunately, I’ll keep bringing you the latest and the greatest (with lots of thanks to my wonderful informants around the world). We’ll have our ears open and our eyes peeled to catch our sinners in the act and you can be assured when we find them I will write about it. That’s just how I am. Grab your shades and your sunblock. I hear this summer’s going to be a scorcher. You know you love me.